Busy Birthday Blessings

I write this the day before my 38th birthday. I had to stop today and just breathe for a moment amidst school starting on Monday for my boys and planning a birthday spa day. I found my mind drifting often to the MD identity more. I notice I drift to work at times because it is an area of my life where I falsely feel I have the most control over. When facing things that are overwhelming, interestingly, work distracts and temporarily “boosts me” in a sense of accomplishment and agency. However, this tends to have terrible personal and family consequences for me. I found myself even with taking "a day off" to relax and attend meet the teacher with my youngest son who will be starting PreK in public school this year, it was so hard to be present! I literally had to remind myself it is okay to have this day off and not be productive from a career standpoint. 

 I cooked breakfast that morning, waffles, bacon, and eggs (I rarely do this, my boys are used to cereal and Nutri grain/fig bars). I then checked my email and was lured into working for almost two hours. I only got off the computer as it was time to get ready to meet the teacher and did find that it was hard to disconnect. I decided after meet the teacher that I would not try and work and watch a movie with the boys and reflect with them their excitement with starting school and nerves. Amidst this I was planning with a couple of friends a spa birthday celebration for myself and found that I was getting quite stressed about it for some reason.

 I write this today reflecting on the day before seeing a tension between busyness and blessings. This time of year has always been that for me. My birthday is August 17th and tends to fall right before school starts. I think I have always had the mix of excitement and nerves I see in my rising second grader and PreK son around this time of year. The busyness of getting new school clothes, meeting the teacher, groceries and school supplies etc. Because my birthday has fallen around this time, I as a child/adolescent have had angst about wondering if people will be around and available to celebrate with me. It was always easiest to just celebrate with my family. Now looking back that was truly a blessing to have time amongst the busyness, to be grateful with the people in my life who provide so much compassion, selflessness, and love. This is why this year I decided to have a small birthday celebration with close girlfriends who have encouraged and inspired me, and, in many ways, I am trying to build a better " family" connection with. I think as I have become a mother and wife, being a good friend has been harder and harder. I became stressed in planning the spa day as perfectionism reared its ugly head instead of gratitude for the people who are trying amongst their busy lives to just pause with me. The spa day (I said in a previous blog, I love these now) is important for connection and pampering, but I had to also remember not to let it be a "mat" of embracing only false rest. Today, as I had time to slow down, I know that this birthday and (every birthday) is an opportunity to count blessings over the past year. I get into a habit sometimes of complaining and being discontent, so today I wanted to just praise God for what He has been doing this year and look ahead with both excitement and healthy nerves for what he will continue to do going forward! 

 These are my Top 5 blessings…. I think or just the ones that are coming to me now 😊

1) I made the decision to reduce time with primary job from 75% to 60% giving me time on Mondays and Fridays to be with my boys (as school is often closed on Mondays and Fridays) and build the private practice a bit with lots of flexibility. I also began enjoying visiting my parents in Arlington, TX more over my new long weekends and appreciating them in new ways as they are aging. 

2) I met some wonderful women friends who are in similar places in life and I am learning more about entrepreneurship.

3) I injured myself on my entire left side (shoulder, back and glute) over the course of three months, but it taught me the importance of being kind and patient with my body. It also made me realize I must focus more on nutrition as I thoroughly enjoy working out, but do not always enjoy eating healthy. Since I could not work out as much, I had to focus more on what I put in my body which has been a humbling and trying experience to learn to eat more mindfully and have a better relationship with food.

4) I took a parenting class at my church last fall that really opened my eyes to a lack of patience I can have with my kids particularly when rushing from work to home or home to work and trying to build some buffer time when possible. I also learned more about the difference between discipline (connection/correction) versus punishment (isolation/shame inducing).

5) I am growing in understanding and practicing pointing out ways that I am grateful to my husband. We have always talked about how we are a team, and this year it just seemed to click more as we both have simultaneously (and unexpectedly) had more time to address the day-to-day care of home and children. 

Personal Reflection:

Consider writing your own top 5 blessings to promote gratitude and mindfulness