This week I was faced with a reminder of the unique challenges of parenting a black boy in this current climate. My oldest son who is still quite young in elementary school had an incident of pushing another child in a public setting. His dad and I were quite shocked by this as it is not typical behavior for him. For instance, if it had been my youngest toddler who was reported doing this I would have not batted an eye and profusely apologized for his behavior. However, with my oldest it pained me to have a brutally honest conversation with him about not just the importance of playing nice with friends, controlling anger, being honest and walking away….. but that he cannot afford even in his young age to act out physically with his emotions as his consequences can be much more severe.
We discussed that his beautiful, chocolate brown skin and tall muscular physique may be perceived as more threatening to other children and their parents. It shook me to my core to see the fear in his childlike eyes as I described the dangers of what could happen to him as a result of others misunderstanding him. My own fears began to rise a bit as we discussed this and I had to be careful not to project upon him but to cautiously and lovingly share reality and truth for his protection not just for now but for his future.
I also had a sadness grow within me wishing he could just stay a child and be seen as a child for as long as possible. I nostalgically look back at how proud and tickled I was when others would say how cute he was as a baby and well mannered. I now realize as he is growing older he may not be perceived as “ cute” but other adjectives I do hear are “ strong” “ big” “ future ladies man” with an underlying bias of “ threat.” I am also conscious that he may feel pressure to live up to perceptions that others have for him as a developing black man.
My prayer for him and all children black, brown, yellow… purple is to have their innocence and childhood for as long as possible. It pained me to be reminded that others may not see my baby as a baby. It grieved me to discuss the realities with him of regulating anger as he does not know who is watching, what security guard or police officer would take action against him. I do not call this paranoia or parenting in fear but prayerful discipleship in helping him reach his full potential as a wise, safe young man.
Reflection:
If you are raising a child of color, in what ways have you educated your child on being safe while still helping them maintain their childhood and innocence?
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